So for whatever reason, you woke up one morning, rolled over, saw "him" (eyes crusted shut, mouth open, farting, drooled up pillow case) and thought to yourself...I WANT HIM TO BE MINE.
It is my duty here @ BarbieScumManifesto to talk about you but also help your goofy, delusional ass out.
You're tired of the late night phone calls, you wanna meet his momma, you wanna go to PF Changs (btw, this is not the holy grail of fine dining, but i'll save that for another post), you wanna be called someone's boo rather than "______, oh her."
What I am about to propose to you will be hard. There might be a lot of dickless nights, a lot of no phone call/text days...he might even find another j/o, but anything worth having takes sacrifice (yatta yatta yatta).
You werent invited to go the club but were invited to his house after the club.
>>> When this happens, say no...it's that simple. If you're fake Miss Go-Hard (which I doubt) then say you already have company, or you're about to step out. Whatever you do just make it seem like you have something better to do than come over and fuck his sweaty club dick.
You don't have to get dressed to go out cause you don't go anywhere but to his house.
>>>Next time he calls you up (and its before 12am), get dressed and when he see's you ask to go to dinner or to a movie (something slight, baby steps...pf changs will come). If he says no, tell him you're going home, you don't feel like sitting in the house. If your horny, fuck and immediately after get dressed to leave. If he asks whats the rush, you can say "I'm not trying to sit in the house, i'm going to head out" (something to that effect). You don't technically have to go anywhere when you leave his house (you better leave if he says no) but elude to the fact that your tired of sitting in his house.
He doesn't call before 12 am.
>>>LOL, look ladies its 2009. If you want to talk to him, call him. The chase is fun but you're a Jump-Off, the chase is over for you. He got what he was chasing a month ago, you're old news. In this situation, you gotta go hard or go home. The worst that can happen is he won't pick up and/or call back...so what, its to be expected. Don't freak out, remember he's not your boyfriend. Also don't go from j/o to stalker, limit the calls to a few (2 is pretty good but every case is diff).
McDonalds/Wendys/7-11 is yall spot.
>>>LOL, i'm sorry but this classifies as another "look ladies its 2009." You wanna eat something other than taquitos and big bites, take your ass to dinner and invite him if you feel like treating him...otherwise eat before you get fucked. Next time you get your tax refund or NaNa gives you some doe for her sew-in take you and "whatever he is" to somewhere decent, dont break the pockets, somewhere decent. Show him what it would be like to go on a date with you and wear something that will make other men take notice. Plus, any man will tell you, its nice to be spoiled occassionally.
You've never seen him in anything other than a beater and sweats.
>>>1st, he's a bamma (for those that arent from the DMV: clown, lame, koon, etc)...hopefully when u practice the step above you'll get to see him in something other than fuck/madden/nba live gear...moving along.
You've heard the line "right after this game." (I think every woman has heard this LOL)
>>>Yeah, if you've ever been with a man you will hear this phrase at least once in your life...if not he might be gay, i'm just saying.
He tried to hook you up with his brother/room-mate/cousin/any friend.
>>>This is tough...if he's trying to hook you up with someone other than himself, I would give up but some of yall are persistent. In cases like this let him know you don't need help, you found his bootleg ass, you can find someone else if need be. Nah, scratch that. If he trys this move I say cut all ties, there's no respect there and you're going to be working a long time trying to hife (wife this hoe). Shouldn't have given his dumb ass the "godiva" in the first place...I digress. Just leave it alone.
Valentines Day and Christmas are just another day for yall.
>>>This is fun...so many routes we can take with this. Don't want to spend $$, tell him you got something special for him on vday and dress up for him (i.e. lingerie, sexy panties, fluffer suit, whatever yall are into) and you should know what to do after that. Cook him a special dinner...show him you got wifey skills. If your ass can't cook (*sigh*) revert back to "taking his ass out to eat." Got some extra bread (extra bread-he's not your man yet, can't spend hard earned dough) buy him a gagg gift (queens, shut up)...cheesy silk boxers, boobie mints (please don't make me explain this), edible undies, etc. Point is you want to let him know, that you know, he is the fucker and you the fuckee but you're diggin on him and arent afraid to show it...hell the point of doing any of this is you know your role but you want him to know you want an upgrade, you're trying to move up.
He gives you a speech about how you're NOT the jump off.
>>>Yeah this goes in with the homie hook-up category. He's running game and i'm assuming he doesn't think you're smart enough to know that he's running game. If someone has to tell you your role in a relationship, well lets just say you're not doing something right.
Now before you write me saying my shit didn't work and I don't know what I'm talking about, let me say this...CONSISTENCY. I didn't say this would be easy or quick. I suggest getting a stand-in for those hard times but with patience and committment, I promise he'll take more notice, give more respect, may even take that ass to PF Changs.
I'm not about turning a hoe into a husband but some of yall really like these fools and wanna be with them so tough it out. I refuse to believe females don't know when they are being disrespected, so if he's kinda sweet to you, shows you a lil attention...what the hell, go for it.
Disclaimer: this WILL NOT work if he has a wife and/or girlfriend that he doesn't plan on leaving for ur goofy ass...he might say he's leaving, HE'S NOT!!!! once again: I refuse to believe females don't know when they are being disrespected.
