disclaimer: This post is NOT in any way, shape or form about any one person or any one situation. the views in this post are MY personal opinions about observations in MY life. i'm not apologizing for offending anyone because, a) you only get offended when its directed towards you. i clearly said this is not about anyone, and b) THE TRUTH HURTS.
I am in NO WAY the perfect friend but as i mature, i'm trying to be. i'm trying to be the perfect woman (no ones perfect...oh yeah, well fuck you). in that process to perfection i want to try to have some folks ask questions of themselves to find self revelations because self revelations are the best. feel free to add your own friend stuff in the comments (yall never do), because this post is going to be a couple parts long...ENJOY!!
for the last 2 yrs, i have lost a lot of friends. some situations there was no love lost but other situations hurt my heart to let go...but inevitably, it was necessary.
recently SO MANY females in my life have shared with me their problems, their hi's, their lo's...they shared themselves. this is usually what my friendships are about. my goal when i befriend a female is to be SUPER LISTENER, truth teller, ride-or-die and a sister from another mother. i've even apologized to friends when i feel like i'm being too needy and not supportive of their lives.
but this post is not about me.
i really need ppl (females in particular) to understand what the fuck friendship means. yes, you may know a lot of ppl, but sweetheart ALL OF THESE PPL ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS.
The Ventor: when youre mad, all you want to do is grab a phone and call that special friend that will listen and let you vent, but do you answer the phone when they need YOU to listen to them??
the other thing is...when you do call, how much time is spent discussing your problems vs your friends?? do you dominate the conversation with your drama and give them a few minutes to quickly tell you how they are, followed by how
your day went?? see how selfish that can seem??
Ex.
Friend 1: hey girl, how are you??
Friend 2: i'm good girl. today - (cut off by friend 1)
Friend 1: girl did i tell you what Lonnie did last night?? this fool said he dont want to be with me no more...
you have officially taken the conversation off of your friend, back to you. did you really want to know how she was doing or were you trying to be polite??
The "fuck that nigga" friend: this is the person that only calls when its time to bash the new guy in their lives.
you know he's not shit, the listening friend tells you he aint shit but you don't do anything about your situation but continue to call your friend and talk bad about him. why?? you talk about him like a dog but he's still your boyfriend and when its convenient for you, we can dog him out. *side eye*
the problem is not so much the dogging him out. the problem is now i hate this guy because you never call and tell me about how great he is, only how much he sucks. the problem is i don't know anything but negative about this guy and youre still with him. the problem is you want me to hate or like him at your command and/or whim. is that fair??
as a friend, you NEED to make sure there is an equal balance of good and bad in anything you discuss. as i've said before, good ppl recognize good ppl and although a good person may not call you selfish and may continue to listen to you...they know that deep down you have issues, are selfish, insecure and not a very good friend. hell, you may be pouring your hearts out to someone who has already put you in the acquaintance category but youre too busy running your mouth to realize it.
speaking of running your mouth.
The Cackling Hens: if all yall do is talk about ppl, let it be known that yall talk about each other, behind one anothers back. if all yall do is talk about ppl, then you don't really have a friendship. just 2 insecure ppl talking about people who are probably better than the 2 of you. #justsaying if all yall do is talk about ppl, you BOTH need to get a life.
The Insecure Friend: don't bring yours (insecurities) to the table of your friends. why would your friends/ppl who love you, want to hear all the negative shit you think of yourself?? why would you want to make them sad and pity you. humans pity children and the homeless and unless your either of those, why would you want someones pity?? 9 out of 10 friendships are started from positivity. you liked their style, they made you laugh, you shared a common interest. not because your fat, or you can't dress, or youre ugly. so STOP telling ppl that. we all have our days but to make it a consistent point, to someone who cares about you, can come off as weak and needy. and no one wants to befriend the needy person.
The User: do you constantly take?? do a lot of your sentences with friends start off with "can you...". reality check, youre a user and probably don't have any friends. ppl just tolerate you.
The Never Wrong: if out of no where, your friend is throwing you big shade, STOP!! before you start going in on them, look at yourself. what have you done to make someone completely stop all communication?? what about your relationship has changed??
a lot of times, we as females are quick to go off on someone because we're NEVER WRONG but a majority of times, we should be going off on ourselves because WE'RE WRONG. its so easy to point the finger at someone else but ALWAYS check yourself first before confronting someone else.
The list will continue and of course we will discuss how to be better friends and/or how to drop the losers that continue to bring chaos and drama into our lives.
please fee free to add your thoughts in the comments or send it to frankiebaby3000@yahoo.com
i'll post a few for future "friends" posts.
